Best of neither world?
Just some musings...
I've enjoyed being back in B.C. for Christmas, and it's definitely good to see old friends like I did today (at volleyball, and then just hanging out afterwards). However, I also don't really feel part of this world anymore... I feel like I've somehow moved on and left it behind. Yet, when I'm in Kingston, I don't really feel at home either, and feel like there's a part of that never left B.C. It's not just geography or location either: it definitely goes back to what I was talking about earlier via spheres of experience. I'm now realizing it's more than just experience: there's definitely parts of my personality/ideas/values I can share with some people and not others, and then it's reversed for different people. I read a really interesting article a while back for my History of Modern Europe Class. It was by a sociology professor, Mavis Biesanz, and it subdivided people into three basic groups: traditional man, transitional man, and modern man. Traditional man lives by inherited values and customs, while modern man is guided by logic, science and reason. I definitely place myself in the transitional stage: there's definitely parts of me that want to follow the customs and values I grew up with, and there's part that wants to totally reject them. Also, in addition to reason fighting against these inherited values, my base emotional desires (or id, if you like Freudian terminology) also despise them. However, neither the acceptance or rejection of these values makes me truly happy. As Biesanz points out, “[Transitional man was often] a misfit, unhappy in his village, [and] frustrated by the fact that no one agreed with him...", which is a pretty accurate description of my life at times. It's definitely a weird feeling, knowing that there are whole areas of your life that subscribe to contradictory ideas... the thing that makes it the worst though, is that there isn't anyone else who can really see things from the whole sphere of your perspective; each person can only catch the bit of you that you can reveal to them...
I've enjoyed being back in B.C. for Christmas, and it's definitely good to see old friends like I did today (at volleyball, and then just hanging out afterwards). However, I also don't really feel part of this world anymore... I feel like I've somehow moved on and left it behind. Yet, when I'm in Kingston, I don't really feel at home either, and feel like there's a part of that never left B.C. It's not just geography or location either: it definitely goes back to what I was talking about earlier via spheres of experience. I'm now realizing it's more than just experience: there's definitely parts of my personality/ideas/values I can share with some people and not others, and then it's reversed for different people. I read a really interesting article a while back for my History of Modern Europe Class. It was by a sociology professor, Mavis Biesanz, and it subdivided people into three basic groups: traditional man, transitional man, and modern man. Traditional man lives by inherited values and customs, while modern man is guided by logic, science and reason. I definitely place myself in the transitional stage: there's definitely parts of me that want to follow the customs and values I grew up with, and there's part that wants to totally reject them. Also, in addition to reason fighting against these inherited values, my base emotional desires (or id, if you like Freudian terminology) also despise them. However, neither the acceptance or rejection of these values makes me truly happy. As Biesanz points out, “[Transitional man was often] a misfit, unhappy in his village, [and] frustrated by the fact that no one agreed with him...", which is a pretty accurate description of my life at times. It's definitely a weird feeling, knowing that there are whole areas of your life that subscribe to contradictory ideas... the thing that makes it the worst though, is that there isn't anyone else who can really see things from the whole sphere of your perspective; each person can only catch the bit of you that you can reveal to them...
posted by Andrew Bucholtz at 2:24 a.m.
1 Comments:
I hear you Andrew. It's kind of a weird stage, although right now human contact for me is schedualed around sleeping and warcraft.
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